i hate menstruation. i hate the cramps, i hate the pads. i hate everything bout it.

as disgusting as sex can get, at least it can be called beautiful. but how bout beautiful first days? walking around is pure torture as paranoia haunts you. you keep thinking that blood has seeped thru ur pants despite the supposed comfort and security from the sanitary pad. then u begin to wonder if a dark red patch of blood is already forming on whatever your ass is on. its alright if you're at home cuz you've always got the bed to lie down on but when you're out in public, nothing can save you from the sense of insecurity u'll feel the whole time.

the first few hours isnt so bad but it gets progressively worse as walking is reduced to shuffling cuz you'll feel like you've just pissed yourself and if u were to part ur legs the thick blood will just come pouring down. once you sit down, u never want to get up cuz the wetness u feel down there is so undescribably disgusting if u were to get up.

the cramps just add on to the fun u're having. u think that the pain cant get any worse. WRONG. on second days, u'll feel like u NEVER WANT TO GET UP. EVER. its like u're swimming in blood and the pain just wont go away no matter how much u curse and swear. tears of anguish will roll down your cheeks and u'll feel like you want to die. "dont eat the pills. its not good," they say. and they leave you there to suffer alone. imagine u've just been rammed with a pole- down there. thats what we feel.

lets not begin on the imbalanced hormones. thats a whole new story altogether. menstruation is already hell as it is. we dont need to feel like crying and killing everyone at the same time for one second and hugging everyone in the next.

i've got skul tomorrow. it'll be my second day. good.

syaf_5:44 PM