people change. ladies and gentlemen, THAT is the brutal truth.

i am a bitch. i know. you dont have to tell me. dont give me shit like "Babe In Total Control of Herself" bloodyblablablah. thats bullSHIT. i've come to a realisation quite some time ago that i have changed. and its not just me who thinks that way, i can name a couple of pple who'd agree with that statement.

im nowadays more and more insensitive and more ruthless in getting what i want. i wont care bout anybody else's feelings and the only interests that i care about are mine. if i dont like sth. i'll come out straight and say it. at least, thats how i SAW it. then it hit me like a bullet to the head. thats NOT what i've been doing. hypocrisy has become my best friend.

i have actually hurt those i care about most and to me, i thought i was just being honest. TACTLESS more like it. i donno la. i donno why i changed, i just dont like what i am right now. everytime i tell myself not to be that way, the more pain i inflict.

and im so fucking deluded cuz i keep thinking that im just being honest. man. how the hell i can think liddat is completely beyond me. i want to go back being nice. now im just plain bitchy. i dont care if im like boring when im nice or whatever. all i know is that being nice doesn hurt. i dont hurt and i wont get hurt.

looking at this entry, i hope u can tell that im very bothered. do me a favour pls. if i hurt you, or have hurt you in any way... pls tell me. dont laugh it off. i hate myself right now and im trying my best to change.

syaf_11:43 PM