just came back from sec one campfire. and for once, i wanted to be nice to them. i had fun basically screaming la. din relli talk to the teachers. there were a lot of huggs, group huggs, lesbian huggs. oh. i miss you all so much. nani cried and i felt like joining her but somehow managed to hold it back. from the sounds of it, they're all having fun at their respective JCs and workplaces. and i felt so ________ when the NY people did their cheers.

then some undesirable things took place and i felt kinda helpless cos im in the dark bout the whole thing but whatever it is, my stand is behind yati all the way.

im like having second thoughts bout everything. everything in my life right now. having second thoughts about skul and outside skul. i just dont haf the same enthusiasm like when i first started. its coming to a point when i wonder why i bother to be involved in things or why i bother to be nice to people and make them like me.

i guess you can see it on my face sometimes. when they ask me whats wrong, i tell them im sleepy. seriously i dont know why i am trying so hard to be friendly. its getting to me and right now, all i wanna do is run away from those who are closest to me.

like annas. but i think its diff for him. i feel choked. we may be gud frens but i donno sometimes i feel like he thinks its more than that. very blatantly i'll say this. im quite revolted by the very idea. its NOT annas. its the fact that i haf someone who knows me very well. or THINKS he knows me very well. i dont know. i cant breathe and now i just wanna get away.

again.

im such a bitch. i just wanna quit everything and start all over.

syaf_11:24 PM